I am on a roller coaster ride in my life right now and the enemy has had such a stronghold of me, I am having a difficult time breaking it. This particular roller coaster is about 3 years old now and I hate it. It interferes with my ability to be around people, I can't stand to go to church anymore because all of these words of encouragement really don't mean anything anymore.

I get angry at everyone's optimism. DIScouragement is all I feel. I am a good person, who continuously, daily, works to "meet the needs of others", and I get punished for it.

I feel that I was born only to be punished, and I that "peace" and "rest" don't exist for me.

It seems that the harder I lean on God the Father, the harder and uglier my life gets and the more hurt and angry I become. It almost feels like Father doesn't have time for me or care about me. I feel like He feels contempt for me.

As a direct result of my pain and anguish, DAILY, I have been very blasphemous lately, yelling really bad things at Father and I am so scared now because I'm afraid Father is really mad at me! I feel I have been cast aside and forgotten while He attends to His children that mean something to Him. I don't feel that I am one that means anything to Him.

Hurting this much, for so long is literally killing me from the inside. My ability to "hope" is pretty much gone and my faith is greatly bruised. This just plain and simple HURTS!

Please help me, I don't know how to fix this, or even if I can! I don't want to fall away, but I feel like He is pushing me away. What can I do?

Most Gracious and Loving Father,
I come to you lifting up Louise to you right. I ask that what he/she is feeling right now will pass. Master we know you are a loving and kind God and we know that you take us through things / seasons for a reason. Please lord here our prayer for Louise your child.

Lord I ask that you comfort him/her right or dear Lord please father immediately give ears to our words. We thank you father right now. We praise you right now lord we thank you for your spirit master. We praise you right now. In your mighty and matchless name we thank you Amen

Louise
After praying for you I thought of these verses of scripture and hope they will help you as they did me when I went through a prolonged time of desperation and tribulation. Please know that God is near to those who call upon him in truth, ( Romans 8 I think) He is near those who have a broken heart, those who have a contrite spirit and exorts us to be humble before him because he is attentive to us. ( Psalm 34 ). " Draw near to God and he will draw near to you. ( James 4:8 ). About the blaspheming, if you are bothered in your conscience about speaking evil of God or the holy spirit, and I see that you are, then you havent committed the " unpardonable sin." If you can repent and turn to God by faith, you can be forgiven. Our God is a merciful and patient God. (Ephesians 6:10-18) tells us about how our enemies and struggles are spiritual in nature and the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, or natural but are spiritual and gives us how to fight spiritual warfare. And ( Psalm 46:10 ) tells us " Be still and know that I am God" Nothing is too hard for God. I pray for peace for you. If you need salvation click here.
http://www.gdwm.org/salvation.htm

Hello Louise,

You did not happen on this web site by chance, for there is no such thing as luck or chance in God’s kingdom. No, Louise, God has not forgotton you, but in your heart, you have thought to reach out to others for help. Your misery has festered for a long time, and it is likely your wounds and strongholds that bind you are so deep, they will not disappear immediately either. Your start back begins now, and that is why God has led you here, among believers who really care for your victory. Believe that please, Louise.

I have some homework for you, if you care involve yourself in it. David was a man who, at times, felt very much like you right now. In fact, if you read his Psalms, you see quite a few roller coaster rides! We can learn much from this wise man, and from God who continually brought him out of misery and torment.

Before you begin, choose a quiet time to devote to reading His word. Put away all things that will distract you, just for a few moments, put yourself at peace before you begin.

As you read Psalm 38, you will likely identify with much of what David writes about. See if this is true:

Psalms 38

1 A Psalm of David, for the memorial offering. O LORD, rebuke me not in thy anger, nor chasten me in thy wrath! 2 For thy arrows have sunk into me, and thy hand has come down on me. 3 There is no soundness in my flesh because of thy indignation; there is no health in my bones because of my sin. 4 For my iniquities have gone over my head; they weigh like a burden too heavy for me. 5 My wounds grow foul and fester because of my foolishness, 6 I am utterly bowed down and prostrate; all the day I go about mourning. 7 For my loins are filled with burning, and there is no soundness in my flesh. 8 I am utterly spent and crushed; I groan because of the tumult of my heart. 9 Lord, all my longing is known to thee, my sighing is not hidden from thee. 10 My heart throbs, my strength fails me; and the light of my eyes--it also has gone from me. 11 My friends and companions stand aloof from my plague, and my kinsmen stand afar off. 12 Those who seek my life lay their snares, those who seek my hurt speak of ruin, and meditate treachery all the day long. 13 But I am like a deaf man, I do not hear, like a dumb man who does not open his mouth. 14 Yea, I am like a man who does not hear, and in whose mouth are no rebukes. 15 But for thee, O LORD, do I wait; it is thou, O LORD my God, who wilt answer. 16 For I pray, "Only let them not rejoice over me, who boast against me when my foot slips!" 17 For I am ready to fall, and my pain is ever with me. 18 I confess my iniquity, I am sorry for my sin. 19 Those who are my foes without cause are mighty, and many are those who hate me wrongfully. 20 Those who render me evil for good are my adversaries because I follow after good. 21 Do not forsake me, O LORD! O my God, be not far from me! 22 Make haste to help me, O Lord, my salvation!
****

A man full of torment indeed. David was a man of action, however. He trusted God with his heart and cried out to the Lord with his fears, needs, and pain. He held nothing back. Let’s see how God answered him now. Read Psalm 40 and see if you can determine what caused the change of his outlook to come about.


Psalms 40

1 To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David. I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry. 2 He drew me up from the desolate pit, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. 3 He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD. 4 Blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust, who does not turn to the proud, to those who go astray after false gods! 5 Thou hast multiplied, O LORD my God, thy wondrous deeds and thy thoughts toward us; none can compare with thee! Were I to proclaim and tell of them, they would be more than can be numbered. 6 Sacrifice and offering thou dost not desire; but thou hast given me an open ear. Burnt offering and sin offering thou hast not required. 7 Then I said, "Lo, I come; in the roll of the book it is written of me; 8 I delight to do thy will, O my God; thy law is within my heart." 9 I have told the glad news of deliverance in the great congregation; lo, I have not restrained my lips, as thou knowest, O LORD. 10 I have not hid thy saving help within my heart, I have spoken of thy faithfulness and thy salvation; I have not concealed thy steadfast love and thy faithfulness from the great congregation. 11 Do not thou, O LORD, withhold thy mercy from me, let thy steadfast love and thy faithfulness ever preserve me! 12 For evils have encompassed me without number; my iniquities have overtaken me, till I cannot see; they are more than the hairs of my head; my heart fails me. 13 Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me! O LORD, make haste to help me! 14 Let them be put to shame and confusion altogether who seek to snatch away my life; let them be turned back and brought to dishonor who desire my hurt! 15 Let them be appalled because of their shame who say to me, "Aha, Aha!" 16 But may all who seek thee rejoice and be glad in thee; may those who love thy salvation say continually, "Great is the LORD!" 17 As for me, I am poor and needy; but the Lord takes thought for me. Thou art my help and my deliverer; do not tarry, O my God!

*****

Well, David did change his speech, did he not! What caused him to grow from Psalm 38 to 40? Here are a few things I saw, and you may have seen others:

1. David waited patiently for the Lord. What does it mean though, to wait on Him? To wait, someone must be expectant at something to happen. This is faith, to be sure, but seems to be mixed with courage and strength too. One can think of many words to use as key ingredients to cause patience to be present, but deep down faith in God is so important. Faith also is knowledge that God does truly love you. He always has, always will, and is unchanging. He gave up His Son for each of us, Louise, and nothing speaks louder of His love than that.

2. God heard David. First, David had faith in God. Then David reached out to God for help. Then God heard him.

3. God drew up David and encouraged him.

4. God set David’s feet on a rock, a firm foundation. This make him stronger for the next battle, and there were many, as you have had.

5. God put a new song in David’s heart. You see, the new song didn’t happen right away, but indeed the song came.

6. David delighted himself in doing God’s will in his life. This comes througth devotion to His word, and living a holy life.
7. God’s law was written in David’s heart. Again, God’s Word became a part of David’s life, as much as daily necessities.

8. David told others of God’s deliverance. Many times, we go through deep trials, so deep we do not think we will survive them, only to be led to help others later climb out of the same pit of misery.

Louise, after you have meditated on these two Psalms a little, write again. In the meantime, many are praying for you. God will hear our prayers, and He is hearing your’s as well. Oh, one other thing in closing for now. Try very hard to NOT base your life on emotions or feelings. This is so easy to say, but as David found out many times, difficult to do. Christian's base life on truth. Truth does not change. I could say more but will not for now.

God bless you,

Nick P.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Nick P.,

Louise,

I am praying for you because I know how you feel. I have been on a similar rollercoaster ride for a few years now. However, I keep pressing on. The bible tells us that when we have done all that we can just stand. I am standing on the promises of Jesus right now and I am not going to give satan any idea that he might be the victorious one in my life.

Hold on to God unchanging hands. He is preparing you for something that you can not handle right now.

Thank you all so much for the much needed prayers and words of encouragement. Mere words cannot express how greatful I am to have my brothers and sisters in Christ reach out to help me.

Nick P., you are right, I did not happen upon this site by accident. God led me here via an invitation from a friend who subscribes to GDW daily devotionals...but she didn't know of my roller coaster or any of the troubles I have been having! She just thought I would like to check things out. Praise God!

Life is getting a bit better, but I know I have a long way to go. I am working very hard to reach for God instead of "things" when I feel overwhelmed or upset. I am successful most of the time, but sometimes "things" are what I end up looking for. (A feeling or some physical sign or some other silly thing the enemy puts in my face). Thankfully I am now more able to recognize this and quickly turn it off and reach for God instead.

Praise Him, I am like you in the respect that I don't want the enemy know that he might be the victorious one in my life at this time. My suit of armor has quite a few dents in it, and some spots are greatly weakened, but I'm not gonna let the enemy know that! I am leaning on God to help me repair my suit of armor, to restore a right spirit in me, to wash me clean and make me feel okay with asking Him to pick me up and hold me.

Lately I have felt so ashamed of myself that I just couldn't ask Him to pick me up. I felt I deserved to be face first in the dirt! It took a long to time for me to see that He doesn't want me to feel like that though. I think I have a much harder time forgiving myself than He ever would for what I have said to Him.

Again, thank you all for your prayers and encouragement...PLEASE DON'T STOP! I thank God for all of you!

Your Sister in Christ,
Louise

Louise:
My husband is going througha very similar situation in feeling his whole life has been a disappointment and that God doesn't cre about him. He even believes that God cares about me and does amazing things for me but has forgotten him and only punishes him. I pray daily for him and will remember to pray for you as well! God is love. Unconditional. He loves you more than anyone will ever be able to. He waits for you to turn to him and will always meet you where you are at. He can handle an angry converstion, believe me. He just wants you to continue talking to him. Through that can he teach and show you his mercy and love. I stand in the gap for you sister! Amen