I have been married more than twice and recently had a baby boy who is know 9 months...I have been through everything horrible you could possibly think of...I have been cheated on, beat on, lied to, and put in the hospital left for almost dead....I grew up with a mother who was very and still is disrespectful to my father...and unfortunetly I picked up all those things...My husband now is a wonderful man, who brought me to the Lord...I gave up drinking & smoking and have not been in a club for two years.....but I have a real problem with trust & respect....I really have treated him like crap....I yell and just go off with anything that I feel is threatening me, I put up my defenses quicker than you can say I'm sorry...On top of all of this I have been dealing with depression and taking care of a new born and my ten year old little girl..I truly love and care for my husband but sometimes we never see anything the same..everything is a fight and sometimes I feel that he really doesn't love me because he rarely shows it....I pray everyday and read my bible and certain Christian books, to help me through everything. I have even tried counseling but I had to stop going because our money was really tight....and unfortunetly our church doesn't offer free help, not the kind that I need....I just need someone to hold me accountable and to help me build my faith in the Lord, I really want to learn the Bible, I want to learn my scriptures and know what they mean, so that I can apply them to my life....please email any suggestions, or prayers that may help me....thank you...

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Yesica,

Hello Yesica,

When we come to Christ, as you have, Yesica. we some as a new creature, a new person. Our past is left behind, our torments, pain, degradation, bad habits, in short, the sins that we used to partake of and that were put upon us are gone. Consider this passage from 2 Corinthians 5:

2 Corinthians 5:17-19

17Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

18And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;

19To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation.

This scripture is the ideal, the place where we aim for, where you want to be, I believe. Reconciliation not only makes us one with Christ, it sheds us from the stain of our sins. Acknowledgement of this in the believer's life is the goal, the ideal we must strive to understand and put to use in our own behavior toward others.

As you know, however, with such abuse in your past, it is not easy to just leave it all behind. It is only through God's grace, can you do it.

Sheding our past hurts and pain is like peeling an onion. The layers of the onion peel away to reveal more onion, and tears. Know what I mean? You mentioned two layers of pain that hinder your walk with Christ, your disrespect for your husband, and your anger problems. There may be more but let's just deal with those two for now.

Respect:

God provides a guide for the wife in a marriage in Ephesians chapter 5. Consider this:

Ephesians 5:22-24

22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

I am attaching an article about submission in marriage that discusses it far better than I can. Perhaps it will provide some insight as to application of the concept of submission in marriage. Yesica, submission is tough, especially where you have been abused by men in general. The "onion" must be peeled though to deal with the issue. Refer back to 2 Corinthians 5 though, you are a new creation, right?

http://www.bible.org/page.asp?page_id=1282

One last comment on submission. Yesica, don't worry that your husband will begin to take advantage of your willingness to submit to him. Allow him to see God's grace working through you. Since he led you to Christ, I assume he is a Christian at this time. When he sees you in active and loving submission to his authority, his own responsibilities to you will mean more to him. Together, read through Ephesians 5 as it provides some demanding responsibilities for him. Be accountable to each other in this.

Anger:

Anger is often tied to disrespect and lack of trust. In the flesh, we often rely on anger to justify our feelings, vent frustration, and get even. While not all anger is sinful, God tells us to be slow to anger and did you know that He also says that the those who are slow to anger are more powerful than those we might think of as powerful?

Proverbs 16:32

32He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.

The following Bible study might be a useful way for you to explore what the Bible says about anger and how to deal with it. I pray it is helpful to you.

http://www.intouch.org/myintouch/exploring/studies/pres...n2/index_345895.html

Our prayers are lifted up for you and your marriage, Yesica.

Nick P.

Hello Yesica,
The scriptures say in the book of Proverbs “ a kind word stirs away anger” that really works

....KJV Bible- Proverbs 16: 32 “ He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty: and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city”
....KJV Bible- Proverbs 15: V 18; “ A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appaseth strife”

The book of proverbs has a lot to teach us about humility and the consequence of sin. Every time Yesica, you feel like your gauge is rising— maybe your having a conversation with your husband and he doesn’t see it your way---- Breath and count under your breath (this small exercise helps to calm you down), meditate on what the Bible teaches on handling anger and start implementing it. Applying the simple principle into your daily life will eventually make itself a permanent home in your mind positively. Eventually it will take A LOT to trigger you or have anyone rise your gauge.

....KJV Bible Ephesians 4: 31;” Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice.”
V 32: “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

Meditate on the word and say it back to your self and believe. God loves you and every one in your family so please, remember that they are God’s children living with you. Cherish them and pray unfailingly, your faith will be sustained. YOU are accountable for your actions -think before you act.
I lift you up in my prayers. God bless you! Sister in Chrst -Hanna

Hello Yesica glad you are here. I don't know where you live...but in my area they have what they call Celebrate Recovery in Christ groups....they are groups of individuals from all walks of life who struggle with sin and pain (like, don't we all??!). They have group meetings for women, men, co-ed groups...and those become our support groups. We help each other by staying in contact with each other during the week, we know we can call someone if we need to, etc., and we learn in these group meetings how to discern God's will for us and the scriptures to back it up. the one i attend is at http://www.pointofneed.org, you can check it out and then possibly see if there are similar groups in your area? I find the bible is an awesome tool, especially if you have others to share with and help each other with interpretations, etc., and share our experience with one another. i will pray for guidance and a teacher for you....love in Christ...debbie