Praise The Lord, Everyone!

I have a question that I would like as much feedback on as I can get.

I know that the Lord wants us to help others. Generally, I don't have a problem with being giving to those who are in need. What I do have a problem with is being taken advantage of.

When I was growing up, I made myself available to my family (especially) in every way I could, particularly in babysitting their children. My oldest sister has always been very giving in basically everything. If you needed food, she would feed you. If you needed clothes, she would give you whatever she had that she thought you might be able to fit. If you needed a place to stay, her door was always open. My favorite uncle, who passed away three years ago, was the same way. We were taken advantage of so many different times, by so many different people that my heart has become pretty hard toward that sort of thing. People made us promises they didn't keep so many times, that it's just too hard for me to be open to that sort of thing.

I know that the Lord loves a cheerful giver, but how can we want to continue to give to people who are only out for their own selfish gain? I feel that it should make you feel good to give to others. You shouldn't have to feel stressed out or angry because you open your heart or your door to someone and they take advantage of you.

This is something that my husband and I are sort of at odds about. He will freely open his heart and door to anyone, but I feel that there is a place where you draw the line. There are people who will actually try to ruin you for their own selfish gain, my husband and I both know this from experience. Yet, he wants me to be open to letting people come to stay with us. Being from Africa, he's used to having his whole family stay in one room. But, being American, I'm used to (and treasure very much)privacy. It makes me feel as though I'm being selfish for feeling this way. But, I know I'm not. I would rather find other ways to give and help people while keeping my home life sacred.

Is it out of God's will for me to be this way? I'd appreciate every elaboration on this. I am so troubled about it.

Thanks and God bless you all!

Kathy,

No one likes to be taken advantage of or feel as though they have been used. We risk this anytime we give of ourselves. I have had these same feelings that I have had to shake recently myself.

When we give, we have to give with the attitude that we give unto the Lord and that we give just as we believe He wants us to give. It is wonderful that you both are so willing to give. There are some though who will knowingly take advantage of this, and that is why you need to follow the Holy Spirit's leading. After having been taken advantage of by a particular individual numerous times, I agree there comes a point where you do have to draw the line. I don't believe you are any longer really helping them unless you do. Particularly when I make a loan, I always base my decision with the thought it may never be returned. This helps me to not have an offense against them if it is not.

My husband and I open our home occasionally to visitors, but we keep our privacy and allow them privacy of their own. I can't imagine it any other way. I don't believe that is selfishness on your part. Your home is your domain. They are guests to be treated with respect, but they should not make themselves so fully at home with you that they become an imposition. If you can find a way to open your home to visitors and still maintain your privacy that is not being selfish, in my opinion.

Blessings,

Chelki

Lamentations 3:24

"The Lord is my portion."

[This message was edited by Chelki on January 30, 2003 at 08:33 PM.]

Kathy K.,

This subject has been in my heart for months.

While walking with the Lord I have many similar situations. About 9 years ago when I gave my self back to God I felt in my heart; I need to go out and minister to the people that I hurt during may drug dealer years. I asked God for his forgiveness for the people I sold it to and forgave the guys that use to supply it. Shortly after this it started going to women battered shelters, jails, and other shelters share the word of God. I gave my heart to many lost souls but once the grace ended I felt helpless. For years it was awesome to be a witness of how God transformed me and supplied me with the heart and mind to work with these people, but I was doing it with my own understanding not God's. I thought God wanted me to give back, what I took from many. The truth is it became a convience for them to call me all hours of the night wanting rides, money, food, clothes,etc.. It is fine to help others but when it starts weighing on your heart and affecting your realtionship with God and your family, then we have to fall on our knees asking God what is it Lord you want me to do? I believe in my heart when it comes to fellowship and helping others in need, its fine only if we are in covenant with our Lord. I had to let go and let God come in. Many people were telling me I was hurting them instead of helping them; Hindering them from their growth in the Lord. They called it co-dependence.

Kathy,

I could go on about alot more circumstances, but the one thing I have learned, if it is God's Will for us to help others do it in his name. I pray that God would supply us with wisdom and knowledge when dealing with our hearts. As we speak, I think its more effect to draw limits for this will teach them to be more dependent on God not you!!! Easier said than done!!

May the Lord fill our hearts with Love, Joy, Peace, and may he protect our hearts and guide us daily for our ways are not his!

Praise God Kathy!!!!!!!!!!!

John Trevino

[This message was edited by JOHN TREVINO on January 31, 2003 at 06:45 AM.]

Kathy, pray, pray, pray for wisdom....He will tell you who, what, when, etc....I think we have to look at what God gives us as 'stewardship' and not thinking anything as our own, really....all of it is a gift....I have really been thinking about the Israelites in the book of Amos....they thought God was not fair and that if not, why should they follow him...they gave him the worst of what they had and not the best of what was really His to begin with.....In some ways, they took advantage of His goodness and it showed...and I often have to search my heart to see if I have done likewise....so forgive others that have taken advantage of you.....God will bless you especially if you were blind to the whole thing....!
I will pray for you as I pray for this same thing about my own life.....I do know that nothing is really mine to begin with and I don't want it to possess me either....every house if not brand new has been someone else's so nothing is really ours to keep....I thank Him for that because I want to see everything from an eternal perspective....though not always easy, right? I want to be so removed from my flesh and it's desires because they are such a huge trap.....
I often think that the widow with the mite probably gave it back so readily because she knew it was His to begin with all the time.........
Be blessed!
Lori

The others had good advice. You must take certain things to prayer and check the word for God's will to continue helping certain ones but I believe our initial response is in Jesus words" if someonee asks you for something he needs and you can give it, give it." Wisdom is important because for example if a street bum begs you for money , it is wise to give him your food or buy some rather than giving cash which he might in all probablity use to buy booze for his next drunk. And preach to him. The bible says that we are going to be persecuted and used by people when we are doing God's service. We just have to obey anyway in faith that God will supply us with our needs as we need them and count our worldly losses as gain for Christ and forgive and pray for the offenders to get a revelation of Christ and come to Him.

In church this morning, our topic was from Hebrews 12. When we got to verse 3, I thought of you:

For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls.

If you share the gospel while helping them, it will convict them of sin and they see the love of God in you. After a time, you should try teaching them basic principals of trusting in God to help them and share examples of how God has helped you. There will come time for them to act on what they've been told and then God will lead you to lessen their dependance on you. You might be honest with them when cutting them back explaining the principals of faith and that they with God's help will be able to depend on God as his source instead of you. Walk in love here.

Praise The Lord, Chelki, John, Lori and Pax!

I thank you all so much for your words of advice and encouragement. I will continue to pray on this and I'm sure that the Lord will continue to bring me to the place that He wants me to be.

I can tell that this is something that He definitely wants me to work on because the issues of tithing, offering and giving has been coming up a lot in the past few weeks. That's how I know for sure when the Lord is reaching out to me. I'm getting there, and I continue to pray that the Lord will strengthen me and encourage me to go forth and do His Will. I feel more encouraged, now to check my heart and make sure that it is pure as I give. I want the Lord to be pleased with me as I do what He sets before me, and we all have to realize that all of our tasks weren't meant to be easy.

I have the Life Application Bible page-a-day calendar. For today (February 3), the Word says,

2 Corinthians 9:7 NRSV
EACH OF YOU MUST GIVE AS YOU HAVE MADE UP YOUR MIND, NOT RELUCTANTLY OR UNDER COMPULSION, FOR GOD LOVES A CHEERFUL GIVER.

The footnote says:
"People may hesitate to give generously to God if they worry about having enough money left over to meet their own needs. Paul assured the Corinthians that God is able to meet their needs. The person who gives only a little will receive only a little in return. Don't let a lack of faith keep you from giving freely and generously. No matter how much you are giving to God's work, have you been doing it cheerfully?"

I cross-referenced this Scripture in my Bible (NIV,LASB). The same verse says:

2 Corinthians 9:7 NIV,LASB
EACH MAN SHOULD GIVE WHAT HE HAS DECIDED IN HIS HEART TO GIVE, NOT RELUCTANTLY OR UNDER COMPULSION, FOR GOD LOVES A CHEERFUL GIVER.

The footnote for this Scripture, in my Bible says:
"Our attitude when we give is more important than the amount we give. We don't have to be embarrassed if we can give only a small gift. God is concerned about how we give from the resources we have..."

I think that many Scriptures and references I read seem to center on money. But, we do know that there are more ways to give than money. There's our time as well. And I know that this is the issue with me. I pay my tithes faithfully, the Lord is reaching out to me to open my heart and give more of my time and energy to the people around me who really need it.

Please continue to pray for me. I appreciate you all so much. And I am so thankful to the Lord for this forum! It feels good to have somewhere to turn to when you feel that no one else is listening. We know that the Lord is always there, and we seek Him continually, but He also knows that we need each other, too!

May the Lord bless you all exceedingly and abundantly above anything you can ask or imagine. In Jesus' Precious Name, Amen!

Kathy, I couldn't sleep Friday night so I got up to pray...it is so nice and quiet at midnight...anyway, the Lord led me to the following scriptures and I thought of you...and I know it is meant for all of us....but you had asked specifically.......
Matthew 5:38- 6:4.....5:42, 6:3 don't seem to mention 'limitations' anywhere....as I read with the help of the Spirit, I began to understand that 'giving w/o limitation' comes from having a surrendered heart....in other words, God is asking for us to give ourselves completely and then when we do this....'we won't hold back anything and 'we won't know what one hand is doing as opposed to the other....Instead of asking 'how much should we give'....He asks, give me yourself completely....I see in my own life that the more I am humbled and submitted to Him....the less questions I am asking 'about what', who, etc....He can do great miracles through our life and He wants to but we have to be willing to let go of all!....also, Kathy, I read somewhere that God wants us to let go of our closed hands not merely to put 'something' there but to be able to TAKE OUR HAND AND LEAD US.....BE BLESSED! I know He has great things to do thru your life....and ours! The time is now!