What It Means To Forgive

In the message "Forgive As He Forgave" we saw that our forgiveness of others should be based on recognizing the magnitude of forgiveness we've been given through faith in Jesus. A true understanding of God's mercy toward us compels us to be merciful to others. But still, forgiveness remains difficult and somewhat ambiguous. Some hurts last sooooo long!

There are those today trying to forgive child abusers, murderers, habitually unfaithful spouses, and a whole list of emotional and physical pain. How do we truly forgive when it hurts so much? And how do we know when we've properly forgiven?

Ephesians 4:31-32
"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

All forgiveness begins with a belief that God desires us to forgive in any situation; "If you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matthew 6:15). If we are unable, or unwilling, to forgive, we need to spend more time reflecting on the forgiveness of Christ. Do we really understand? Do we really believe? Our ability to forgive identifies our focus: Is our priority on Christ or on our own needs and desires, hurts and pain?

But forgiveness is not simply saying the words "I forgive you." Rather, forgiveness is canceling the emotional debt. It means we love and earnestly pray for blessings in their life; "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" (Matthew 5:44). We should be able to think about the other person without bitterness, rage, or anger. We should be able to pray for an increase in their ministry or business, more peace in their family, and a closer relationship with Jesus. It's amazing how much healing takes place in our own heart when we pray for those who have caused us pain.

However, forgiveness does not necessarily mean a relationship must continue as if the hurt never occurred. Our heart may be free of all anger and bitterness - we may earnestly pray for the one who caused us pain - and yet, we no longer trust or enjoy their company. My forgiveness of a child abuser does not require me to leave my children in their care. I can love with a Christ-like love and pray without anger and yet guard my physical body and emotional and Spiritual heart.

It's unfortunate, but most of us are carrying some bitterness toward another person today. These burdensome emotions should not continue in the heart of a Child of God, and the only road to release them is through the gate of forgiveness. Let's ask God to purify our heart. Let's refocus on the cross and release our burdens to Him. Let's honor our Father by showing the world what it means to forgive.

I had an abusive father. I THOUGHT I had forgiven him - 2 years ago, he stalked me and terrorized my kids. I put a protective order on him. That order is up in July - now what? Do I just let this person walk all over me and threaten me again? I thought I would just leave it alone and see what happens - but as the day draws closer, panic is setting in. He is already making moves - I'm being followed and he is contacting other relatives even though that is breaking the order. How do I really and truely, forgive all this? How do you go about not being afraid he's going to come up behind me or my child and grab her as he threatens to do? I can't shake it. Thanks you.

Two things .
1. Continue the protective order.
2. When he brakes it call the authorities. Read Romans 13.
When we brake mans laws we need to be held accountable. Never allow a person to walk over you. I know this is hard. I have to come to terms on holding my husband of 26 years accountable to His abuse of me and the children. I have my part in being accontable. It is like Pastor steve Said . Forgivenss doesnot mean you put yourself or your child in the same dangerous place. I believe you will know when you truely forgve your dad when you can no longer fear him because you have put the boundaries in place and know that he is responsible for his actions and not you .

Your message really touched me. My father abused me sexually age 5 through 17. I did not see him for 27 years. After recovery from alcoholism is January 1996 and becoming a "Born Again Christian", thank you Jesus, following the advise of my angel therapist, I starting praying daily for my father. In June 1997 I found out that my father was dying of cancer. By the grace of God, I went to see him, he asked for forgiveness and I had a real father for 6 weeks before he died. Prayer works. Thank you for all you do.

thank you for the info Angelbear and Kathleens Angel - My father has said for 5 years that he has cancer and is dying. Yet he continues his harrassments. I asked God to forgive me if it was wrong to put that order on him to begin with. It took 3 Sheriff deputies to talk me into it. I also know that this man is a bully. It's a hard thing to let go - all of our family is now gone and our children have missed out on any kind of grandparents. Since I put that order on him - we've been in some really hard times. I know God doesn't punish his children, but it sure feels like I'm being punished for putting the order on him. My husband says we're not being punished and I need to let that go - Prayers for our family as this order is up July 19th. Thank you again.

I believe the thoughts of your family being worse since the order was given .... is probably satan trying to get you to undo the right thing.
Yes because of your dads actions not yours you and your children miss out on somethings but you guys also miss the abuse that comes with him. I believe it is our nature to want the ideal family even when we know that our dad, mom, husband is not that person we try to believe they are. You have experience his abuse let go of his actions and move on . Make your boundaries ver clear, prayer for him and I will prayer for him and your family . To give you strength and to show your children that they mean more to you that you protect them from harm not to allow a relationship with anyone that would abuse them. Angelbear

thank you again Angelbear - the hardest thing to do - is to pray for this man. It's taken years to even get to this point - I know I have to - but it's not easy. Again - thank you for the advice - I'll stand my ground. Dizzy