On June 17, 2008 I had a near fatal motorcycle accident. I was learning to ride my new Harley and had some difficulties with my gearing. I don't remember any of it, but my husband saw the whole thing, as he was on his Harley in front of me. I was stopped on the side of the road, trying to get my bike in the right gear when I suddenly popped the clutch, my legs flew up, and I gripped my handlebars, rolling on the accelerator, taking off at a fast speed and hitting an apple tree at about 30 mph. My head was the first to hit, which was onto a branch which changed my momentum and I flew off of the bike backwards, landing on my back and my head bounced off the ground twice. Yes, I was wearing a helmet. According to my husband, I never lost consciousness.

Most of what follows, I do not remember at all:

While still lying on the ground, and after the paramedics showed up, they discovered that my belly was quickly filling up with blood, thereby indicating that I had internal bleeding. Due to the fact that they didn't know if I had broken my neck, they had to check that out first before I could be put into the ambulance. My neck was not broken. When I got into surgery they discovered that my C-Section scar had adhered itself to my lower intestine at some point since 1996 and the impact of the crash ripped them apart, hence the internal bleeding. I needed 6 units of blood and 10 units of plasma during surgery.

I had 37cm of my lower intestine removed. They discovered at that time that I also have Crohn's disease, something I didn't know I had. I was in intensive care for 3 days. My brain injury was quite bad. I was in the hospital from June 17 until July 7; then from July 7 to July 18, I was in a rehabilitation facility. During the time I was in the hospital, I could not walk, talk, swallow, or communicate. I had no motor skills, so I could not hold a pen to write anything, nor did I have any control of my bodily functions. I had a urinary catheter, but my digestive system was messed up, hence I had a lot of fecal accidents and developed diaper rash. Quite humiliating.

I was quite a mess, and my husband told me that the night of the crash, the doctors told him to gather as much family as possible because they didn't expect me to make it. All 5 of my kids were there, as well as my brother, and a lot of friends and extended family. I don't remember much about any visits. I had my 45th birthday on July 3, of which I also do not remember. I was on dilaudid, 2 kinds of anti-pshychotic medications, 1 anti-anxiety medication, and 2 antidepressants. My brain was misfiring so badly that nothing was working right so all of those medications were given to me to help keep me sedate and not panicked. My husband said I twitched a lot all over my body. I could not swallow due to aspiration (everything went into my lungs so I could not eat either), therefore I drooled all the time. I was being fed through a nasogastric tube. I also had sustained ligament damage in my right knee so I had surgery there too, plus I had bitten a huge chunk out of my bottom lip. So I had surgery on my lips, my knee and my intestines along with having an ugly brain injury.

About July 5 I began to be able to walk a bit with my walker and was able to say a few words, but oftentimes didn't make sense. On July 7 before they moved me to rehab, I was told that I took a shower and did just fine washing myself. This I don't remember. When I first got to rehab, the first time I tried to feed myself, I made a huge mess and could not hold my eating utensils properly. My speech therapist was there to help me. The whole first week was a huge blur and equally frustrating. By the beginning of the second week there, things began to come together and my abilities were returning. The biggest problem I had at that time was being unable to sit still for very long, as my brain was still trying to resume firing correctly.

I came home on July 18 with a prognosis that I would never be able to be alone at home again, never be able to drive or function the way I did before the crash. I had to quit my job because my brain was not allowing me to be effective in it and things were just too busy for me to do a good job.

Flash forward:

I had to have a second intestinal surgery to fix a hernia on March 4, 2009. In the interim of this, I did regain my ability to take care of myself, I can drive again, just like before, I have regained my speaking abilities, and I applied for nursing school to become an LPN. I learned I was accepted into school on March 16 and began classes on April 13. I have now completed all of the classroom work and am in preceptorship. School ends on April 26 of this year, at which time I will be able to take my licensing exam. With God's help, I was able to get and maintain really good grades.

On Christmas night of 2009, I had had all I could take of some very stressful non-crash related things happening in my life and my heart, so I sat down in private and poured my heart out to God. I told him that I cannot handle being all strung out over those areas of my life so please give me what it takes to handle what I am supposed to handle, keep my hands off of what He wants me not to touch, to please renew my spirit and help me to regain my focus on Him. Two days later He did just that and I have been at such peace ever since.

I had some really bad nurses when I was in the hospital, so now I know what kind of nurse NOT to be. I can identify with patients who have brain problems (accidents, stroke, etc) so I know how they feel when they cannot make their needs known. I believe that the crash happened for a lot of reasons, and my becoming a nurse is one of them. God led me to this career and I am very excited about it.

No, I did not see any bright light shortly after my crash, but I swear that while I was lying on the ground, I saw huge white wings, and felt the flapping breeze of those wings as well as the most incredible sense of safety and peace that I cannot even describe. I was not drugged yet, so I know I wasn't having some sort of drug reaction.

As far as my brain goes, I still have bouts with vertigo at times, and every time when I lie down to go to sleep, my head spins for a few seconds. I want to be able to ride motorcycles again, but right now, my head does not like having a helmet on, so I must just wait. I know I may never be able to do anything that requires wearing a helmet, and that's okay.

So, God has worked even MORE major miracles in my life and I had to share with you. My recovery and nursing education are ongoing processes, but God is working His love through me and He keeps me close to His healing hands.

He also gave me the humbling experience of realizing that once I quit trying to do His job, and instead simply asked to be given what it takes to do what He wants me to, life got so much easier. DUH! I am just so very blessed and thankful that He had other plans for me than to be a vegetable after my crash. After sustaining all that I did, I have a new apprecation for life and am thankful for every nanosecond that I have. I am actually excited to wake up in the morning and face the prospect of what He has in store for me. My life is more beautiful than I had ever imagined.